Char’s Fitness Weblog

Plush bunnies, chocolate eggs, Easter baskets, coffee in bed. Rain on the skylights. Brunch. A matinee. A few cold sunny hours and a windy walk. A good Easter.

Today’s stats are:

Ate 2685

Burned 2715

Stretched 30 minutes

Walked 45 minutes 

Images from the day, besides the Peeps, …

Ate 2559 

Burned 2864

Stretched 30 minutes

Walked 70 minutes

Good day although I ate too much sugar (not in a bingy way though).

My numbers are good but the content can be approved. A  lot. Yet, I met my goals and enjoyed the sunshine on a good walk with Lila. 

My goal last week was to eat healthy foods, eat less calories, track it all, and not eat more than I burn. I did eat better foods and overall, I did heat less calories than I have been in the last few months. However, I did eat more than I burned on  most days and I had a few mini-binges. The chocolate I ate (and overate) on Wednesday and Thursday and the homemade chocolate chip cookies Celsi made last night (I ate five of them, two of which were in the middle of the night).

Other than these hiccups, I did pretty well. So in reviewing this week I’m realizing that it’s the occasional bout of overeating that is keeping me from feeling on track. Most of the time, I eat well. It’s these moments of miniature binges that sabotage my goals. And they are sugar-based.

I didn’t track religiously either. Those moments of overeating get harder and harder to record and I end up resenting the process. Plus, tracking and not improving my eating gets discouraging.I had lunch with Gena earlier this week. She told me that she joined WW a month ago. Like me and Dave, she and John have had a habit of eating out most evenings. Now she is on program, grocery shopping, cooking, tracking. She has lost 15 lbs and John has lost about 10! And they have more money in their pockets and a spring in their step. It was very encouraging talking to her.

Talking and reading about success and how the work is worth the outcome is important to me. I am uplifted by it and motivated. Encouraged. But I know myself well enough to know that, after all the conversation, the commitment and follow-through is still a private matter for me. 

I will continue to reel-in my eating habits this week and become more aware of those missteps that, although isolated, really do sabotage my momentum and confidence. My goal this week is to track what I eat, walk, stretch, or run at least four times this week, and focus on understanding myself more in relation to those mini-binges.

This week, every time I am tempted to overeat sugar, I will spend time blogging first, trying to walk my way through the minefield, trying to understand what is really going on inside first.

This morning I weigh 180.8. I would like to lose two pounds this week.

I did the 3.5 miles in 35.29 seconds!

Up at 6:30am, met the gang at the start of the St. Patrick’s 5K Dash at 8:30. The run started around 9:15 (late start) and I crossed the finishline a little before 10am. Despite having less than six hours of sleep, I had a good run. I kept a steady pace, slowed myself down when the thousands of runners and the scenery and the cheering by-standards were pushing me to run faster and faster. Instead, I got into my head and paced myself. No cramping, no pain. The last mile was hard because I was tired. Something I already  know and felt today: get a good night’s sleep the night before a race (instead of having a few glasses of wine at dinner and going to a concert).  After the run, we had a great brunch and then came home. I took a nap. It felt great. All of it. The run. The friendships, the eating, the resting. Life is good. 

Why don’t I stick with something that makes me feel so good and is so good for me? Why do I resist eating right and running consistently? Examine my habits and daily routines: why am I allowing those landmines to stick around?See setbacks as learning opportunities. See them as a learning process.   “Fall seven times, get up eight.” - Japanese Proverb

Valria, Leslie and I have agreed: We need a plan. And we need each other.  

Next week, on Wednesday, we will get together and each bring a list of what we want for ourselves and what we need to make it happen. Then we’ll put our heads together and see how we can get to that finish line!!  

What I want:

To lose 20 lbs. 

To feel good physically and emotionally.

To train consistently. 

To finish the half marathon in November. 

To live a healthy life naturally, so that I don’t have to put so much time and effort and planning into that I end up feeling like I don’t have time for other interests. 

So what do I need to make this happen?   More time.

But besides quitting my job (which is not even close to an option), how do I find time for more?  I’m already super organized and efficient. Maybe that is part of the problem. Every minute is accounted for, spoken for and reserved for some task. No wonder I am feeling like I am always sprinting to the next item on my list, holding my breath, feeling stressed and a little resentful.

I need to examine my list.  

I want time to paint. This takes slots of time, a couple of hours once or twice a week. 

I want to sketch. This could be 1/2 an hour a day on the days I don’t get to paint.  

I want to get my art website pulled together. Again, this is an hour or two at a time and could happen on weekends or weekdays. 

I want to take more Mac classes at the Apple store. Once a month? One hour for each class - on the weekends.  

I want to run three to four times a week.  I want to stretch at least five times a week.  

I want to see friends. At least twice a month go out for walks, bike rides, brunch, dinner or events. 

I want to grocery shop weekly and cook a few meals at home every week. 

Add in work, keeping a clean happy home, time with Dave and Celsi and Cassie.

To lose 20 lbs. I need to eat better. Eat less. So how do I get there? I hate the idea of starting Weight Watchers, although I know it works. It feels restrictive (which is what I need to do). If I refuse or resist restricting my calories, I will not lose weight. Yes, but there is more ground-kicking, whining over this: Weight Watchers, or any other eating program, feels like yet ANOTHER project. And that takes me right back to the stress of feeling like I am always on the go, always running, never “there”, always something else to do. That’s partly my fault because as I see one project coming to its conclusion, I’m already taking on two more to fill its place. Maybe the trick for me right now, is not to figure out how to do more. Maybe the key is to figure out how to do less. Refuse (to myself mostly) to take on anything else until my agenda is much much lighter. Also, more resistence to an eating program: I don’t like feeling like I need “a program.” But this self-monitoring thing is not working for me.  

To feel good physically and emotionally. Well, I think this will just be a natural consequence of eating right and training consistently. And living with less stress. Which, as I am clear about, I am putting on myself. 

To train consistently. I love working out so what I need to train consistently is more time. Less stress. Back to that. Once I figure out what’s important and what will need to go on the back burner, I will have the time. Then I will just need to commit that time to this desire.   

To finish the half marathon in November. I think I will be able to do this if I do the previous items on this list: eat right, lose weight, train consistently. And, if I stay in close contact with Valria and Leslie, keep this dream alive and in focus for all of us. Maybe we all could commit to blogging once a week and sharing where we are with ourselves, what our goals for the week are, what our accomplishments have been?   

To live a healthy life naturally, so that I don’t feel that I have to sacrifice other interests. Is this just a matter of implementing all the above until it’s a habit, as natural as waking up in the morning and having that cup of coffee?  

There’s a battle going on inside me, like two people, but I know I am one. I am truly of two minds. One Char loves working out, loves running, biking, taking long walks, swimming. Setting fitness goals, the whole enchilada.

And the other Char loves the enchiladas. The oatmeal raisin cookies and the bagels and the olive oil and the pasta and the pizza and and and and the junk food. Well, not so much the junk food but on some days, sure, shovel that in too.

I don’t understand me quite well. What is going on? How can I want something (fitness, healthy weight, weightloss) so much and at the same time, literally at the same time, do things that sabotage me. I make room daily for either exercise or blogging or reading about fitness and health. This means that I am sacrificing other things: time, resources, money. I usually have to chose to skip an extra two hours of sleep in the mornings of a work day to go to the gym. I often have to set aside my sketching and my artwork to prioritize fitness. And yet.

And yet, I don’t see any results. I overeat, I am slowly still gaining weight despite hours at the gym, miles in my shoes, despite not getting other things done that are also pressing and important. I end up feeling stressed for time, constantly behind on my ‘to do list’ and in the end, I’ve gained weight.

What is going on with me?!
I am sabotaging myself.
Why?
Why am I not supporting my own goals?
Even as I write this, I am waiting for pizza to be delivered.

Something is not right. 

My goals for February were:  

Continue running training.  Not met.

Disappointed that I wasn’t able to follow the running program perfectly and still struggling with my calf muscle, I’ve gotten off track. I have continued to stretch and I have continued to walk regularly so not all is lost. And occasionally run. New month. New re-commitment to my goals and process.     

Stretched for 11 hours 21 minutes (wow!)    

Walked for 5 hours 15 minutes    

Ran for 5 hours 55 minutes    

Bike for 30 minutes   

I exercised for a total of 23 hours 1 minute (wow wow!) averaging 47 minutes a day! 

I walked 14.65 miles, I ran 28.05 miles and biked 6.23 miles. OK, I did much better than I thought. Wow, it really all does add up.  

Start tracking what I eat.  Done!

I joined FitDay.com 0n January 23rd and started tracking then. I’ve skipped about 8 days in the five weeks I’ve been tracking. I’m not sure that I’m helping my efforts however. Writing down my food is just a daily task I tick off my list but I am not using it to eat better.  Yet. Patience. By its very nature, tracking must be helping me be more aware of the food I put in my piehole. 

Lose four pounds. Not met.

Didn’t even weigh myself today to verify but my weight went up to 181 earlier this month and I’ve been eating poorly and lots of it.  This  new month begins with me reassessing and recommitting to my goals. I’m grateful that I did much better than I thought. I’m grateful that I’m healthy. I’m grateful that I am clear about what I want.