March 27, 2008
I think that what is going on with us is self sabotage. There is some part of us that is resisting change. And I think that until we get our head on straight about this, we will continue to be at war with ourselves. Which is no way to go through life. Why do we stand in our own way?I know the part of me that overeats, won’t work out, and succumbs to my worst behaviors is my friend. All parts of us are our friend. They are, afterall, a part of us and as such need to be heard, loved, understood, and if need be, transformed. I need to befriend this part of me instead of going to war with her.
What is Fat Char trying to do for me?
Does she not feel that I deserve to be happy and fit and beautiful and glorious? Then I need to explore why and how wrong that is.
Does Fat Char want to shield me from diappointment, just in case I fall short of my goals? Then I need to explain to her how not pursuing dreams is a bigger failure than pursuing them and not doing them perfectly. It is far more disappointing not to live our best life.
Maybe Fat Char is afraid of who Fit Char might be if I’m not holding myself back with the extra weight. Then I have to reassure her that I will continue to be the person she can trust, respect, like.
Maybe Fat Char starts overeating the minute Fit Char states that we will lose two pounds because Fat Char doesn’t trust Fit Char to make good decisions. Then I have to take Fat Char by the hand and show her that Fit Char has our best interests at heart. That Fit Char has patiently waited for happiness but Fat Char’s way isn’t working. It’s time to live Fit Char’s way and trust. Trust that we will be happy. Trust that we deserve it. Trust.
Maybe Fat Char is afraid of change because what you know is better than what you don’t know? But that is not true. The unhappiness I know is not better than the happiness I know comes with fitness and confidence and accomplishment. And yes, change will bring more than just that but change always brings gifts. And readjusting to new things is better than sitting in a gutter resisting change.
Fat Char is meeting some need that she fears Thin Char will not meet. What is that need? The need for space? The need to make sure people do not get too close? The need to self protect and keep the wrong attention from falling on us? Because a fat woman is invisible in our society and that creates an illusion of safety. We have less expectations of fat people. We give them less possibilities. And all those limits start to feel safe, like prison walls that while they keep us from freedom also somehow give us a sense of security within. But the isolating payoff of being fat is painful, as is chosing to live in a prison. I need to show Fat Char that Thin Char will keep us safe despite more possibilities, more attention, more expectations. That there are healthier ways of self-protecting. Fat Char needs to see me stand up for myself, make good decision, put Char first. Fat Char needs to be reassured that she is entitled to be in charge of her own life at any weight, that she doesn’t have to pay the burden of being overweight to be allowed to live on her own terms. Fat Char needs to be reassured that she doesn’t have to be invisible to live as she wants and live life as she dreams.
Fat Char knows the rewards of being overweight, not changing, sticking to status quo, hiding in flesh and clothes and numbness. But Fat Char also knows that this is not the way to live my best life. Fat Char is afraid to let go but Thin Char wants more life. Thank God for Fat Char who has been a friend to me and tried her best to protect me. Thank God for Thin Char who wants a fuller life. Thin Char needs to help Fat Char through this.There is nothing wrong with Fat Char. She just needs to be loved and understand that becoming Thin Char is a more rewarding, wonderful, life-affirming way to go. She will not be obliterated. She will be rewarded with a much more joyful life, fun, integrated, full. I declare a truce between Fat Char and Fit Char. Let the love fest begin.
