March 2008

Monthly Archive

March 31, 2008

March 29 - April 4

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Friday

Tracking - yes

Exercise at least four times - stretched & walked

Grocery shop and plan meals for the week - done

Eat healthy dinners at home - yes. Gumbo & fry bread. 

Keep blogging & connecting with myself - not

Thursday

Tracking - yes

Exercise at least four times - stretched & walked

Grocery shop and plan meals for the week - done

Eat healthy dinners at home - yes. Fish & a salad. Yum!

Keep blogging & connecting with myself - yes

Wednesday

Tracking - yes

Exercise at least four times - walked

Grocery shop and plan meals for the week - done

Eat healthy dinners at home - not today. At my suggestion we went out for Pho. I had the small chicken bowl. Healthy choice.

Keep blogging & connecting with myself - yes

Tuesday

Tracking - yes

Exercise at least four times - stretched & walked

Grocery shop and plan meals for the week - done

Eat healthy dinners at home - not today: dinner with Valria at Serious Pie. YUM.

Keep blogging & connecting with myself - yes. Also read an article in an old holiday issue of Weight Watchers magazine. It had the recipe for healthy living to stay on track the day  before a big event, the day of the event, the day after the event. I read the schedules of how we should organize our days and felt so inspired. I’ve lived like that before, no big event necessary, and know how GREAT it feels. I feel myself slipping into the groove. The healthy, motivated groove. 

Monday

Tracking - yes

Exercise at least four times - stretched & walked a mile

Grocery shop and plan meals for the week - done

Eat healthy dinners at home - yes: pork pull sandwich, grilled onions, fresh tomatoes

Keep blogging & connecting with myself - yes 

Sunday

Tracking - not today

Exercise at least four times - stretched

Grocery shop and plan meals for the week - yes!!

Eat healthy dinners at home - yes! chicken breast, broccoli, potato, tomato, fry bread

Keep blogging & connecting with myself - not today

Saturday

Tracking - not today

Exercise at least four times - not today, but did walk around for about five hours, shopping

Grocery shop and plan meals for the week - not today

Eat healthy dinners at home - not today (delicious Indian feast instead: Everest Kitchen)

Keep blogging & connecting with myself - yes

 

March 29, 2008

Recap & Renew

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Last week’s goals were to continue reeling-in my eating habits and become more aware of my sabotaging behaviors, track what I eat, walk, stretch, or run at least four times and blog before binging.  I wanted to lose two pounds.

I did ok with eating. One or two days of over-eating. Especially yesterday. I know I’m eating out of frustration. I am not connected with myself, I’m not putting forward my best effort. I’m letting myself twist in the wind instead of taking charge. Letting myself go. Literally.

I did spend time blogging and exploring my issues. I did track every day, every bite. That’s really good. 

I did stretch and walk four times this week.

I didn’t blog before over eating yesterday. I was tired and hungry and felt captive to the situation. Because I didn’t have groceries at home and I don’t feel like I have access to Dave’s kitchen as freely as I would like. Because I don’t know what he will want to eat so I put off making plans and then, at the end of the day, at the end of  a work week, I’m too tired to go to the store, to think about shopping, prepping, cooking. Negotiating access to the kitchen with Dave’s brother who lives with us, along with his girlfriend. I just wanted to go out for Mexican food and eat chips and cheesy enchiladas, and sit back, zone out, and be served… It didn’t feel good either. Sitting in the booth with my jeans feeling too tight, my stomach spilling over them, eating too much… not a good formula…

I didn’t lose two pounds. Or two ounces. I haven’t weighted myself yet, but don’t need to. I didn’t eat less than I burned.

It was a successful week though as far as connecting with myself, following through with tracking and working on self awareness most of the time. 

What are next week’s goals?

Track.

Exercise at least four times.

Grocery shop and plan meals for the week.

Eat healthy dinners at home at least 5 times this week.

Keep blogging.

Keep connecting with myself.

 

March 29, 2008

Weekly Recap

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Ate 20,016 calories, averaging 2,860 calories per day.

Burned  18,823, averaging 2,689 calories per day. 

I’m eating 171 calories more than I’m burning each day which equals gaining over 17 lbs in a year.

It’s simple math. 

*sigh*

 

March 29, 2008

March 28

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Ate 3578 (that’s right)

Burned 2550 

 

March 28, 2008

March 27

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Ate 2662

Burned 2745

Stretch 30 minutes

Walk 60 minutes 

 

March 27, 2008

Fat Char, meet Fit Char. Fit Char, Fat Char.

Posted by charslife under self-discovery
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I think that what is going on with us is self sabotage. There is some part of us that is resisting change. And I think that until we get our head on straight about this, we will continue to be at war with ourselves. Which is no way to go through life. Why do we stand in our own way?I know the part of me that overeats, won’t work out, and succumbs to my worst behaviors is my friend. All parts of us are our friend. They are, afterall, a part of us and as such need to be heard, loved, understood, and if need be, transformed. I need to befriend this part of me instead of going to war with her.

What is Fat Char trying to do for me?

Does she not feel that I deserve to be happy and fit and beautiful and glorious? Then I need to explore why and how wrong that is.

Does Fat Char want to shield me from diappointment, just in case I fall short of my goals? Then I need to explain to her how not pursuing dreams is a bigger failure than pursuing them and not doing them perfectly. It is far more disappointing not to live our best life.

Maybe Fat Char is afraid of who Fit Char might be if I’m not holding myself back with the extra weight. Then I have to reassure her that I will continue to be the person she can trust, respect, like.

Maybe Fat Char starts overeating the minute Fit Char states that we will lose two pounds because Fat Char doesn’t trust Fit Char to make good decisions. Then I have to take Fat Char by the hand and show her that Fit Char has our best interests at heart. That Fit Char has patiently waited for happiness but Fat Char’s way isn’t working. It’s time to live Fit Char’s way and trust. Trust that we will be happy. Trust that we deserve it. Trust.

Maybe Fat Char is afraid of change because what you know is better than what you don’t know? But that is not true. The unhappiness I know is not better than the happiness I know comes with fitness and confidence and accomplishment. And yes, change will bring more than just that but change always brings gifts. And readjusting to new things is better than sitting in a gutter resisting change.

Fat Char is meeting some need that she fears Thin Char will not meet. What is that need? The need for space? The need to make sure people do not get too close? The need to self protect and keep the wrong attention from falling on us? Because a fat woman is invisible in our society and that creates an illusion of safety. We have less expectations of fat people. We give them less possibilities. And all those limits start to feel safe, like prison walls that while they keep us from freedom also somehow give us a sense of security within. But the isolating payoff of being fat is painful, as is chosing to live in a prison. I need to show Fat Char that Thin Char will keep us safe despite more possibilities, more attention, more expectations. That there are healthier ways of self-protecting. Fat Char needs to see me stand up for myself, make good decision, put Char first. Fat Char needs to be reassured that she is entitled to be in charge of her own life at any weight, that she doesn’t have to pay the burden of being overweight to be allowed to live on her own terms. Fat Char needs to be reassured that she doesn’t have to be invisible to live as she wants and live life as she dreams.

Fat Char knows the rewards of being overweight, not changing, sticking to status quo, hiding in flesh and clothes and numbness. But Fat Char also knows that this is not the way to live my best life. Fat Char is afraid to let go but Thin Char wants more life. Thank God for Fat Char who has been a friend to me and tried her best to protect me. Thank God for Thin Char who wants a fuller life. Thin Char needs to help Fat Char through this.There is nothing wrong with Fat Char. She just needs to be loved and understand that becoming Thin Char is a more rewarding, wonderful, life-affirming way to go. She will not be obliterated. She will be rewarded with a much more joyful life, fun, integrated, full. I declare a truce between Fat Char and Fit Char. Let the love fest begin.

 

March 27, 2008

March 26

Posted by charslife under exercise, food, goals
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Ate 2607

Burned 2609 

haha

Not bad. Ate well.  Good food, good times.

 

March 26, 2008

March 25

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Better than yesterday but sort of down emotionally. Wanted to stuff my face for a while but didn’t. Mostly because I wasn’t around good face-stuffing options or else, I might have. But still, I didn’t. Still not an ideal picture of fitness day. And I know what that looks like. I know what that feels like. But a step in the right direction!

Ate 2640

Burned 2655

Stretched 30 minutes

Walked 15 minutes 

 

March 25, 2008

March 24

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Ate 3285

Burned 2685

Stretched 30 minutes

Walked 30 minutes

Did what I know is a formula for disaster. Went for a big dinner out with Dave at the end of the day. The very thing that is hurting us in the waistline and in the wallet. Why did I do it? We were going to go for Pho soup which is a good, healthy choice. When we got close to the restaurant Dave suggest Outback. I thought of their big salads and said “Sure!” I did order the salad but he ordered the Blooming Onion. As disgusting as it sounds, I picked at it for a while because I was hungry, because I was mindless, because I am not in a good space. I’m not taking care of me.

Looked it up at home. 1/4 of the thing with dip packs over 700 caloroies. Not sure how much I ate. Probably less than a quarter but still… there you have it.

What baffles me is that I kept picking at it as we talked and waited for our dinners and it wasn’t even good. No new lessons here. Just the same old ones I apparently have a hard time absorbing.

I need to respect me first. That’s the lesson. 

 

March 24, 2008

Quote

Posted by charslife under motivation
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“Although no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.”
~ Roberta Brenick

 

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